about summary refs log tree commit diff stats
path: root/i-wanted-to-tell-you-something.txt
diff options
context:
space:
mode:
Diffstat (limited to 'i-wanted-to-tell-you-something.txt')
-rw-r--r--i-wanted-to-tell-you-something.txt64
1 files changed, 64 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/i-wanted-to-tell-you-something.txt b/i-wanted-to-tell-you-something.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3f6423e --- /dev/null +++ b/i-wanted-to-tell-you-something.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,64 @@
1---
2title: I wanted to tell you something
3id: i-wanted-to-tell-you-something
4genre: verse
5
6project:
7 title: Autocento of the breakfast table
8 class: autocento
9...
10
11I wanted to tell you something in order [to][] \
12explain the way I feel about the [Universe][], \
13its workings, etc. But I couldn't [yesterday][] \
14---I'm sorry---I wanted only to [ball][] \
15myself up and cry all day. It was the [sixteenth][] \
16day in a row this happened to me, and to [be][]
17
18more than two weeks waiting to cry is, \
19especially when, the whole time, I wasn't able to, \
20absolutely horrible. It was no sweet sixteen, \
21I'll tell you that much. Unless at yours, the Universe \
22kept telling you to quit having such a ball \
23and that you should have died, like, yesterday.
24
25At first, it feels like you're winning---that yesterday \
26you really were meant to die, but since you still _are_, \
27you beat the system somehow. But the Universe bawls, \
28"No, I meant you should've crawled into \
29a hole and fucking _died_!" And then the Universe \
30punches you right in the gut, something like sixteen
31
32times, and all you can think is, "Some sixteenth \
33birthday! Maybe I will go die in a hole." Yesterday, \
34at times like this, is a luxury the cruel Universe \
35refuses to give you. This is when it's a pain just to _be_, \
36when that Marvell line about "[rolling our stuff into one ball][Marvell]" \
37just seems glib, when you don't want one body, let alone two.
38
39Something else that may come as a surprise to \
40you: over the past more-than-a-fortnight, these sixteen \
41days, I've had nothing to eat but crackers and a cheese ball. \
42(That's not entirely true---yesterday \
43I had some candy, peppermints and Jujubes.) \
44Maybe this is why I'm so mad at the Universe---
45
46because all it has ever wanted, this Universe \
47that gave me life, fed me from its breast til I was two, \
48and even before that, made a place in which I could be--- \
49all it's wanted was for me to take the sixteen \
50steps to sobriety, fold the Eight-Fold Path over yesterday \
51and step around it lightly, as I would an exercise ball,
52
53but the problem is, dear Universe, there's no way I could be \
54something as hard as all that, to wake up yesterday \
55morning, stretch over my sixteen selves, bound out like a ball.
56
57[to]: poetry-time.html
58[Universe]: initial-conditions.html
59[yesterday]: exasperated.html
60[ball]: ouroboros_memory.html
61[sixteenth]: sixteenth-chapel.html
62[be]: love-as-god.html
63
64[Marvell]: http://www.luminarium.org/sevenlit/marvell/coy.htm