From d6231aa5524a10e543368115e1376f835aae8b58 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001
From: Case Duckworth
Date: Tue, 21 Apr 2015 17:42:38 -0700
Subject: Revise after thesis defense

---
 text/in-bed.txt           | 10 ++++++----
 text/riptide_memory.txt   |  4 ++--
 text/the-night-we-met.txt |  6 +++---
 3 files changed, 11 insertions(+), 9 deletions(-)

(limited to 'text')

diff --git a/text/in-bed.txt b/text/in-bed.txt
index b7be002..dc3e270 100644
--- a/text/in-bed.txt
+++ b/text/in-bed.txt
@@ -40,7 +40,7 @@ project:
 
 ## III
 
-| I woke screaming and you
+| I [woke screaming][] and you
 | came to sit next to me.  I felt
 | my eyes were open too wide
 
@@ -75,7 +75,7 @@ project:
 
 | [there is an eagle][] flying
 | toward me.  She lands on
-| my knee and lays an egg.
+| [my knee and lays an egg][].
 
 | I think *not this again*
 | something I've never
@@ -98,8 +98,8 @@ project:
 
 ## VII
 
-| [You run through me
-| like rats][rats] down an alley.
+| You run through me
+| [like rats][rats] down an alley.
 | You are in my [blood][].
 
 | You scared me once
@@ -142,6 +142,7 @@ project:
 [I see my reflection is headless]: deathstrumpet.html
 [and the moon grins down]: moon-drowning.html
 [rot only for us]: options.html
+[woke screaming]: worse-looking-over.html
 [closed over me like an eyelid]: theoceanoverflowswithcamels.html
 [in an ocean]: the-sea_the-beach.html
 [there is an eagle]: mountain.html
@@ -149,3 +150,4 @@ project:
 [rats]: #I
 [blood]: plant.html
 [red]: window.html
+[my knee and lays an egg]: http://www.sacred-texts.com/neu/kveng/kvrune01.htm
diff --git a/text/riptide_memory.txt b/text/riptide_memory.txt
index 177a586..9f5ebe0 100644
--- a/text/riptide_memory.txt
+++ b/text/riptide_memory.txt
@@ -33,7 +33,7 @@ project:
 
 | In a dream, [my father is caught by a riptide][] off-shore.
 | He's pulled far out, far enough that the shoreline's
-| a line in his [memory][] on the horizon.  I can see him
+| a dim line in his [memory][] on the horizon.  I can see him
 | swimming, hand over hand, pulling his small weight
 
 | back to land.  I see him as [another shipwreck][] victim,
@@ -48,7 +48,7 @@ project:
 
 | pulls me back home, my memory's lonesome twinkle
 | like [stars above the mountains][].  I'll send for it
-| and try to make them, but in the thin air they'll
+| and try to make them, but at this altitude they'll
 | crumble into dust like desert air, like a memory.
 
 [an angel of death]: angeltoabraham.html
diff --git a/text/the-night-we-met.txt b/text/the-night-we-met.txt
index aa6d89c..16987bb 100644
--- a/text/the-night-we-met.txt
+++ b/text/the-night-we-met.txt
@@ -17,13 +17,13 @@ project:
 | in the dark, remember?  You told me time was
 
 | pregnant with all things.  I should've said
-| something, to draw you out from your place
+| something, to draw you out from your safety
 | in the dark.  Remember, you told me time was
 | only an illusion, [and memory was][] only
 
-| something to draw.  You, out from your place,
+| something to draw.  You, out from your safety,
 | I out from mine, that night, I believed in you.
-| Only illusion and memory were one, lying
+| And illusion and memory were one, lying
 | [down on your couch][], through the night you drew
 
 | me out from mine.  That night, I believed in you
-- 
cgit 1.4.1-21-gabe81