---
title: I want to say
genre: verse

project:
    title: Autocento of the breakfast table
    css: autocento
...

I want to say I take it all back \
I want \
I want to take it back I want it none of it \
to be ever have happened not \
when I saw you step over the rope \
when we went to New York for a week \
but stayed upstate when you punched me \
hard in the solar plexus in Prague \
when I looked in your face and [saw myself][] \
looking back smiling when we went on another trip \
and another all the trips I want to have \
stayed home I want to have seen the clouds \
drifting past [my car window][] to have listened \
to that sound the bridge makes driving over it \
without thinking of you always it was you

I want

I [want to be fresh][] I want to roll out of bed \
as though it were my [first morning in a new state][] \
I want nothing more than absolution of sins \
[a negation but there is no way to subtract here][] \
I cannot remove this growth that appeared  \
seemingly overnight I cannot [cut you away from myself][] \
I cannot forget what has already and will always have been \
I cannot get out of a [new bed][] ever \
New York will always be as it was when I saw it first \
with you my breathing will always be labored outside \
of the cafe I will always see you when [I look in a mirror][] \
of someone's face the reflection of missed thoughts missed \
[words will cease to give meaning][] the center will come out \
of me I will make a new center yes I will drag what is \
your center around with me and [repeat and repeat][] again \
I cannot want cannot want want not

[new bed]: in-bed.html
[saw myself]: deathstrumpet.html
[my car window]: boy_bus.html
[want to be fresh]: plant.html
[first morning in a new state]: collage-instrument.html
[a negation but there is no way to subtract here]: no-nothing.html
[cut you away from myself]: elegyforanalternateself.html
[I look in a mirror]: lovesong.html
[words will cease to give meaning]: words-meaning.html
[repeat and repeat]: question.html