---
title: Initial conditions
genre: verse

project:
    title: Stark Raving
    css: stark
    order: 11
    next:
    - title: Love as God
      link: love-as-god
    - title: Ouroboros of memory
      link: ouroboros_memory
    prev:
    - title: I think it's you (but it's not)
      link: i-think-its-you
    - title: Last Bastion
      link: last-bastion
...

There is a theory which states the Universe \
if it began with the same initial conditions \
( same gravity same strong weak nuclear force same \
size and shape ) would unfold in exactly \
the way it has : with the same planets orbiting suns \
same people making same mistakes : like this morning

( It's actually past two but I will call it morning ) \
while turning on the shower : I as the Universe \
intended ( although I was expecting the heat of suns ) \
had the ice of inner space : those pre existing conditions \
before the Big Bang : the shower was almost exactly \
freezing for a split second : every day it's the same :

I turn on the tap hop in pull the knob have the same \
moment of utter panic then pain then a relaxing morning \
shower where I spend between five to ten ( I'm not sure exactly ) \
minutes : I have good thoughts : this poem about the Universe \
for example : I had the idea while I was conditioning \
my hair : it came to me like accidentally looking at the sun :

the pain and the wonder that something as large as suns \
could appear so small and yet so hot all at the same \
time : so hot in the summer we require air conditioning \
( although now in the winter it's cold in the morning ) \
and I can't wait to hop in the shower that tiny universe \
of water and steam and soap and body : that and only that exactly

or rather exclusively ( it's hard to get the words exactly \
right : the meanings bleed into each other like the sun's \
shadows on pavement ) ready for me to dream another universe \
into it on top of it again and again until they all look the same : \
I can't tell whether it's my morning or the shower's morning \
or where I put the conditioner or what the initial conditions

could have been that decided I would misplace my conditioner \
today : and why and how much planning was involved exactly \
that would cause so far down the production line of this morning \
\: me to wake up so long after the rising of the sun \
\: me to stay inside all day even after showering to look at the same \
computer screen : to give up the actual universe to the universe

in there with its conditions : where the screen serves as sickly sun : \
where there is apparently exactly what I need : no more : the same \
three sites I visited this morning comprising my entire Universe