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1 | --- | ||
2 | title: In bed | ||
3 | genre: verse | ||
4 | |||
5 | id: in-bed | ||
6 | toc: "In bed" | ||
7 | |||
8 | project: | ||
9 | title: Autocento of the breakfast table | ||
10 | class: autocento | ||
11 | ... | ||
12 | |||
13 | ## I | ||
14 | |||
15 | | I hear [the rats][] run | ||
16 | | in the walls like water | ||
17 | | through a tree. My blood | ||
18 | |||
19 | | thickens. As I dream | ||
20 | | the masturbation dream | ||
21 | | the shelf above my bed | ||
22 | |||
23 | | falls covering me in | ||
24 | | dirt and decaying beetles. | ||
25 | | [I see my reflection is headless][]. | ||
26 | |||
27 | ## II | ||
28 | |||
29 | | When the waves stop | ||
30 | | [and the moon grins down][] | ||
31 | | to overtake me: the car | ||
32 | |||
33 | | ran up the street that night | ||
34 | | when you were nearly | ||
35 | | molested in your neighbor's house: | ||
36 | |||
37 | | is this why we don't have | ||
38 | | neighbors? For this the trees | ||
39 | | [rot only for us][]? | ||
40 | |||
41 | ## III | ||
42 | |||
43 | | I woke screaming and you | ||
44 | | came to sit next to me. I felt | ||
45 | | my eyes were open too wide | ||
46 | |||
47 | | that I could not shut them | ||
48 | | from the horror movie sitting | ||
49 | | on your lap in the easy chair | ||
50 | |||
51 | | in the dream the other dream | ||
52 | | in the living room under | ||
53 | | the tree. Why do I feel guilty? | ||
54 | |||
55 | |||
56 | ## IV | ||
57 | |||
58 | | I wake up in a pool of water | ||
59 | | [closed over me like an eyelid][]. | ||
60 | | There is no longer comfort | ||
61 | |||
62 | | in staring at the ceiling. | ||
63 | | Its pitch blackness beckons | ||
64 | | into a future of blankness. | ||
65 | |||
66 | | My body lay still quaking. | ||
67 | | My mind is chained fast | ||
68 | | to the beating of my heart. | ||
69 | |||
70 | ## V | ||
71 | |||
72 | | I sit up slowly creaking. | ||
73 | | I find myself alone buried | ||
74 | | [in an ocean][]. Far off | ||
75 | |||
76 | | [there is an eagle][] flying | ||
77 | | toward me. She lands on | ||
78 | | my knee and lays an egg. | ||
79 | |||
80 | | I think *not this again* | ||
81 | | something I've never | ||
82 | | thought in my life. | ||
83 | |||
84 | ## VI | ||
85 | |||
86 | | I think *not this again* | ||
87 | | something I've never | ||
88 | | thought in my life. Not | ||
89 | |||
90 | | after losing my car keys | ||
91 | | in the easy chair. Not after | ||
92 | | scratching myself on a branch. | ||
93 | |||
94 | | Not after finding the thing | ||
95 | | in your dresser drawer that | ||
96 | | night. [I remember you suddenly.][] | ||
97 | |||
98 | |||
99 | ## VII | ||
100 | |||
101 | | [You run through me | ||
102 | | like rats][rats] down an alley. | ||
103 | | You are in my [blood][]. | ||
104 | |||
105 | | You scared me once | ||
106 | | remember? Jumped out | ||
107 | | of the bathroom door. | ||
108 | |||
109 | | I fell screaming onto | ||
110 | | the linoleum. Did you | ||
111 | | apologize? Did you need to? | ||
112 | |||
113 | ## VIII | ||
114 | |||
115 | | The ocean that surrounds me | ||
116 | | creaks like a rocking | ||
117 | | cradle. Your face bright | ||
118 | |||
119 | | as the moon at eclipse | ||
120 | | and as [red][]. Low song | ||
121 | | my tide stretching | ||
122 | |||
123 | | to the horizon. Ripples | ||
124 | | on the surface belie | ||
125 | | something bigger beneath. | ||
126 | |||
127 | ## IX | ||
128 | |||
129 | | In bed I am alone for | ||
130 | | the only time. In bed | ||
131 | | I am a grown man. | ||
132 | |||
133 | | Below the blankets I | ||
134 | | know you for who you are. | ||
135 | | In bed I see your face | ||
136 | |||
137 | | pressed against the window. | ||
138 | | I look out and see you | ||
139 | | and I am not afraid. | ||
140 | |||
141 | [the rats]: last-bastion.html | ||
142 | [I see my reflection is headless]: deathstrumpet.html | ||
143 | [and the moon grins down]: moon-drowning.html | ||
144 | [rot only for us]: options.html | ||
145 | [closed over me like an eyelid]: theoceanoverflowswithcamels.html | ||
146 | [in an ocean]: the-sea_the-beach.html | ||
147 | [there is an eagle]: mountain.html | ||
148 | [I remember you suddenly.]: ouroboros_memory.html | ||
149 | [rats]: #I | ||
150 | [blood]: plant.html | ||
151 | [red]: window.html | ||