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1---
2title: Liking Things
3genre: prose
4
5project:
6 title: Book of Hezekiah
7 css: hezekiah
8 order: 7
9 prev:
10 title: Problems
11 link: problems
12...
13
14The definition of happiness is *doing stuff that you really like*. That
15stuff can be eating soup, going to the bathroom, walking the dog,
16playing Dungeons and Dragons; whatever keeps your mind off the fact that
17you're so goddamn unhappy all the time. That, incidentally, is the
18definition of like: *that feeling you get when you forget how miserable
19you are for just a little bit*. Thus people like doing stuff they like
20all the time, as often as possible; because if they remember how
21horrible they really feel at not having a background to put themselves
22against, they will want to hurt themselves and those around them.
23
24The funny thing is that something we people really like to do is hurt
25ourselves and those around us. We do this by thinking other people are
26more unhappy than we are. We convince themselves that we are truly
27happy, ecstatic even, while they merely plod around life half-heartedly,
28or, if they're lucky, incorrectly. We take it upon ourselves (seeing as
29we are so happy, and can spare a little bit of happiness) to help them
30become happy as well. We fail to realize that the people will probably
31not appreciate our thinking that we're better than they are somehow, for
32that is what we do even if we don't mean it. We forget that we are also
33unhappy, and that we are just doing things we like in order to cheer
34ourselves up a little bit, which really means that this cheering is
35working; but there is such a thing as working too well. So in a sense
36what I'm doing here is cheering myself up by reminding you that you are
37unhappy; I'm trying to keep you honest in your unhappiness; and I admit
38this is usually called a dick move.
39
40In fact, the best way to overcome happy-hungering (this is the term as I
41dub it) is commit as many dick moves as possible, to keep people
42remembering that unhappiness abounds. If you see someone smiling like a
43little dog who knows it's about to get pet or get a treat or go to the
44vet to donate doggy sperm, smile back. Grin toothily (a little too
45toothily for a little too long). Their smile will start to fade if
46you're doing it right. Saunter to them, slide as if you're an Olympic
47quality ice-skater, as if you're a really good bowler who knows he's
48playing against twelve year olds and'll win by a hundred. Get really
49close. Far too close for what most people would call comfort. And remind
50them of how awful life can be: "I really like your [shirt][]---really only
51children chained to looms can get that tight of a weave," you can say,
52or "You're not really going to recycle that coffee cup, are you?" They
53will probably get angry, but that's what's supposed to happen. By making
54dick moves, you can overcome what may be the biggest evil on this earth:
55Happy-Hungering.
56
57[shirt]: theoceanoverflowswithcamels.html