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1 | he | ||
2 | said | ||
3 | at | ||
4 | the | ||
5 | beginning | ||
6 | it's | ||
7 | like | ||
8 | rolling | ||
9 | yarn | ||
10 | into | ||
11 | a | ||
12 | too-small | ||
13 | ball | ||
14 | sure | ||
15 | you | ||
16 | can | ||
17 | roll | ||
18 | the | ||
19 | memories | ||
20 | around | ||
21 | for | ||
22 | a | ||
23 | while | ||
24 | and | ||
25 | maybe | ||
26 | even | ||
27 | use | ||
28 | some | ||
29 | of | ||
30 | them | ||
31 | eventually | ||
32 | though | ||
33 | you'll | ||
34 | wind | ||
35 | them | ||
36 | all | ||
37 | the | ||
38 | way | ||
39 | out | ||
40 | and | ||
41 | you'll | ||
42 | be | ||
43 | left | ||
44 | with | ||
45 | nothing | ||
46 | but | ||
47 | a | ||
48 | small | ||
49 | loop | ||
50 | you | ||
51 | can | ||
52 | tie | ||
53 | this | ||
54 | loop | ||
55 | around | ||
56 | your | ||
57 | finger | ||
58 | and | ||
59 | start | ||
60 | wrapping | ||
61 | your | ||
62 | body | ||
63 | but | ||
64 | this | ||
65 | is | ||
66 | an | ||
67 | extension | ||
68 | of | ||
69 | the | ||
70 | same | ||
71 | problem | ||
72 | you'll | ||
73 | turn | ||
74 | into | ||
75 | a | ||
76 | mummy | ||
77 | of | ||
78 | memory | ||
79 | there'll | ||
80 | be | ||
81 | nothing | ||
82 | left | ||
83 | underneath | ||
84 | but | ||
85 | a | ||
86 | dead | ||
87 | body | ||
88 | but | ||
89 | what | ||
90 | does | ||
91 | it | ||
92 | mean | ||
93 | to | ||
94 | remember | ||
95 | the | ||
96 | body | ||
97 | with | ||
98 | the | ||
99 | body | ||
100 | i | ||
101 | imagine | ||
102 | a | ||
103 | creature | ||
104 | made | ||
105 | of | ||
106 | memory | ||
107 | putting | ||
108 | its | ||
109 | feet | ||
110 | in | ||
111 | its | ||
112 | mouth | ||
113 | turning | ||
114 | into | ||
115 | a | ||
116 | ball | ||
117 | in | ||
118 | this | ||
119 | way | ||
120 | it | ||
121 | could | ||
122 | roll | ||
123 | all | ||
124 | around | ||
125 | the | ||
126 | landscape | ||
127 | of | ||
128 | its | ||
129 | memory | ||
130 | i've | ||
131 | tried | ||
132 | explaining | ||
133 | this | ||
134 | to | ||
135 | other | ||
136 | people | ||
137 | but | ||
138 | it | ||
139 | doesn't | ||
140 | make | ||
141 | any | ||
142 | sense | ||
143 | to | ||
144 | them | ||
145 | the | ||
146 | task | ||
147 | of | ||
148 | eating | ||
149 | one's | ||
150 | feet | ||
151 | is | ||
152 | to | ||
153 | them | ||
154 | an | ||
155 | unsolvable | ||
156 | problem | ||
157 | they | ||
158 | seem | ||
159 | to | ||
160 | forgotten | ||
161 | that | ||
162 | as | ||
163 | babies | ||
164 | they | ||
165 | were | ||
166 | able | ||
167 | to | ||
168 | make | ||
169 | themselves | ||
170 | into | ||
171 | loops | ||
172 | so | ||
173 | i | ||
174 | increase | ||
175 | the | ||
176 | count | ||
177 | to | ||
178 | two | ||
179 | two | ||
180 | snakes | ||
181 | eating | ||
182 | each | ||
183 | other's | ||
184 | tales | ||
185 | forming | ||
186 | a | ||
187 | loop | ||
188 | in | ||
189 | this | ||
190 | way | ||
191 | they | ||
192 | are | ||
193 | able | ||
194 | to | ||
195 | put | ||
196 | two | ||
197 | heads | ||
198 | on | ||
199 | one | ||
200 | body | ||
201 | this | ||
202 | doubles | ||
203 | the | ||
204 | number | ||
205 | of | ||
206 | memories | ||
207 | which | ||
208 | really | ||
209 | only | ||
210 | exacerbates | ||
211 | the | ||
212 | problem | ||
213 | it's | ||
214 | like | ||
215 | trying | ||
216 | to | ||
217 | roll | ||
218 | two | ||
219 | different | ||
220 | materials | ||
221 | up | ||
222 | into | ||
223 | a | ||
224 | ball | ||
225 | the | ||
226 | people | ||
227 | i | ||
228 | tell | ||
229 | this | ||
230 | to | ||
231 | don't | ||
232 | understand | ||
233 | this | ||
234 | either | ||
235 | they | ||
236 | say | ||
237 | using | ||
238 | two | ||
239 | animals | ||
240 | makes | ||
241 | sense | ||
242 | to | ||
243 | them | ||
244 | they | ||
245 | say | ||
246 | there | ||
247 | must | ||
248 | be | ||
249 | different | ||
250 | types | ||
251 | of | ||
252 | memory | ||
253 | i | ||
254 | disagree | ||
255 | with | ||
256 | this | ||
257 | theory | ||
258 | of | ||
259 | memory | ||
260 | i | ||
261 | think | ||
262 | there | ||
263 | is | ||
264 | at | ||
265 | bottom | ||
266 | only | ||
267 | one | ||
268 | type | ||
269 | of | ||
270 | anything | ||
271 | with | ||
272 | subtypes | ||
273 | grouped | ||
274 | together | ||
275 | along | ||
276 | the | ||
277 | edge | ||
278 | of | ||
279 | a | ||
280 | loop | ||
281 | color | ||
282 | becomes | ||
283 | a | ||
284 | good | ||
285 | metaphor | ||
286 | look | ||
287 | how | ||
288 | many | ||
289 | of | ||
290 | them | ||
291 | yet | ||
292 | they | ||
293 | are | ||
294 | all | ||
295 | consumed | ||
296 | by | ||
297 | the | ||
298 | same | ||
299 | part | ||
300 | of | ||
301 | the | ||
302 | body | ||
303 | maybe | ||
304 | two | ||
305 | different | ||
306 | materials | ||
307 | are | ||
308 | still | ||
309 | made | ||
310 | of | ||
311 | material | ||
312 | and | ||
313 | maybe | ||
314 | they | ||
315 | can | ||
316 | be | ||
317 | rolled | ||
318 | into | ||
319 | a | ||
320 | ball | ||
321 | maybe | ||
322 | there | ||
323 | actually | ||
324 | never | ||
325 | was | ||
326 | a | ||
327 | problem | ||
328 | or | ||
329 | maybe | ||
330 | and | ||
331 | this | ||
332 | is | ||
333 | more | ||
334 | likely | ||
335 | i | ||
336 | need | ||
337 | to | ||
338 | restate | ||
339 | the | ||
340 | problem | ||
341 | i | ||
342 | think | ||
343 | it | ||
344 | all | ||
345 | boils | ||
346 | down | ||
347 | to | ||
348 | the | ||
349 | fact | ||
350 | that | ||
351 | i | ||
352 | have | ||
353 | a | ||
354 | truly | ||
355 | lousy | ||
356 | memory | ||
357 | i've | ||
358 | tried | ||
359 | different | ||
360 | mnemonic | ||
361 | devices | ||
362 | like | ||
363 | imagining | ||
364 | each | ||
365 | thing | ||
366 | i | ||
367 | need | ||
368 | to | ||
369 | remember | ||
370 | being | ||
371 | visited | ||
372 | by | ||
373 | a | ||
374 | bouncing | ||
375 | ball | ||
376 | i've | ||
377 | tried | ||
378 | trying | ||
379 | string | ||
380 | into | ||
381 | finger-loops | ||
382 | i've | ||
383 | even | ||
384 | tried | ||
385 | writing | ||
386 | the | ||
387 | things | ||
388 | i | ||
389 | need | ||
390 | to | ||
391 | remember | ||
392 | on | ||
393 | my | ||
394 | body | ||
395 | if | ||
396 | you | ||
397 | asked | ||
398 | me | ||
399 | do | ||
400 | any | ||
401 | of | ||
402 | these | ||
403 | work | ||
404 | i | ||
405 | would | ||
406 | have | ||
407 | to | ||
408 | answer | ||
409 | none | ||
410 | of | ||
411 | them | ||
412 | sometimes | ||
413 | in | ||
414 | the | ||
415 | morning | ||
416 | i | ||
417 | realize | ||
418 | dumbly | ||
419 | i've | ||
420 | forgotten | ||
421 | my | ||
422 | words | ||
423 | all | ||
424 | of | ||
425 | them | ||
426 | they | ||
427 | generally | ||
428 | come | ||
429 | back | ||
430 | by | ||
431 | around | ||
432 | ten | ||
433 | o'clock | ||
434 | but | ||
435 | the | ||
436 | frequency | ||
437 | with | ||
438 | which | ||
439 | this | ||
440 | is | ||
441 | occurring | ||
442 | is | ||
443 | becoming | ||
444 | a | ||
445 | problem | ||
446 | i | ||
447 | feel | ||
448 | that | ||
449 | my | ||
450 | brain | ||
451 | is | ||
452 | being | ||
453 | separated | ||
454 | from | ||
455 | my | ||
456 | body | ||
457 | is | ||
458 | there | ||
459 | a | ||
460 | place | ||
461 | in | ||
462 | the | ||
463 | universe | ||
464 | for | ||
465 | a | ||
466 | misplaced | ||
467 | memory | ||
468 | does | ||
469 | it | ||
470 | eat | ||
471 | its | ||
472 | own | ||
473 | tail | ||
474 | and | ||
475 | roll | ||
476 | around | ||
477 | the | ||
478 | universe | ||
479 | as | ||
480 | it | ||
481 | loops | ||
482 | does | ||
483 | it | ||
484 | shrink | ||
485 | down | ||
486 | and | ||
487 | become | ||
488 | lost | ||
489 | as | ||
490 | a | ||
491 | tiny | ||
492 | ball | ||
493 | no | ||
494 | matter | ||
495 | what | ||
496 | happens | ||
497 | eventually | ||
498 | i | ||
499 | will | ||
500 | become | ||
501 | them | ||
502 | as | ||
503 | i | ||
504 | lose | ||
505 | the | ||
506 | last | ||
507 | of | ||
508 | my | ||
509 | memory | ||
510 | i | ||
511 | won't | ||
512 | be | ||
513 | able | ||
514 | to | ||
515 | solve | ||
516 | the | ||
517 | problem | ||
518 | of | ||
519 | my | ||
520 | being | ||
521 | and | ||
522 | my | ||
523 | being | ||
524 | will | ||
525 | become | ||
526 | my | ||
527 | problem | ||
528 | in | ||
529 | an | ||
530 | eternal | ||
531 | loop | ||
532 | i | ||
533 | will | ||
534 | roll | ||
535 | my | ||
536 | body | ||
537 | into | ||
538 | a | ||
539 | prenatal | ||
540 | ball | ||