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1 | --- | ||
2 | title: In bed | ||
3 | genre: verse | ||
4 | |||
5 | project: | ||
6 | title: Autocento of the breakfast table | ||
7 | css: autocento | ||
8 | ... | ||
9 | |||
10 | ## I | ||
11 | |||
12 | I hear [the rats][] run \ | ||
13 | in the walls like water \ | ||
14 | through a tree. My blood | ||
15 | |||
16 | thickens. As I dream \ | ||
17 | the masturbation dream \ | ||
18 | the shelf above my bed | ||
19 | |||
20 | falls covering me in \ | ||
21 | dirt and decaying beetles. \ | ||
22 | [I see my reflection is headless][]. | ||
23 | |||
24 | ## II | ||
25 | |||
26 | When the waves stop \ | ||
27 | [and the moon grins down][] \ | ||
28 | to overtake me: the car | ||
29 | |||
30 | ran up the street that night \ | ||
31 | when you were nearly \ | ||
32 | molested in your neighbor's house: | ||
33 | |||
34 | is this why we don't have \ | ||
35 | neighbors? For this the trees \ | ||
36 | [rot only for us][]? | ||
37 | |||
38 | ## III | ||
39 | |||
40 | I woke screaming and you \ | ||
41 | came to sit next to me. I felt \ | ||
42 | my eyes were open too wide | ||
43 | |||
44 | that I could not shut them \ | ||
45 | from the horror movie sitting \ | ||
46 | on your lap in the easy chair | ||
47 | |||
48 | in the dream the other dream \ | ||
49 | in the living room under \ | ||
50 | the tree. Why do I feel guilty? | ||
51 | |||
52 | |||
53 | ## IV | ||
54 | |||
55 | I wake up in a pool of water \ | ||
56 | [closed over me like an eyelid][]. \ | ||
57 | There is no longer comfort | ||
58 | |||
59 | in staring at the ceiling. \ | ||
60 | Its pitch blackness beckons \ | ||
61 | into a future of blankness. | ||
62 | |||
63 | My body lay still quaking. \ | ||
64 | My mind is chained fast \ | ||
65 | to the beating of my heart. | ||
66 | |||
67 | ## V | ||
68 | |||
69 | I sit up slowly creaking. \ | ||
70 | I find myself alone buried \ | ||
71 | [in an ocean][]. Far off | ||
72 | |||
73 | [there is an eagle][] flying \ | ||
74 | toward me. She lands on \ | ||
75 | my knee and lays an egg. | ||
76 | |||
77 | I think *not this again* \ | ||
78 | something I've never \ | ||
79 | thought in my life. | ||
80 | |||
81 | ## VI | ||
82 | |||
83 | I think *not this again* \ | ||
84 | something I've never \ | ||
85 | thought in my life. Not | ||
86 | |||
87 | after losing my car keys \ | ||
88 | in the easy chair. Not after \ | ||
89 | scratching myself on a branch. | ||
90 | |||
91 | Not after finding the thing \ | ||
92 | in your dresser drawer that \ | ||
93 | night. [I remember you suddenly.][] | ||
94 | |||
95 | |||
96 | ## VII | ||
97 | |||
98 | [You run through me \ | ||
99 | like rats][rats] down an alley. \ | ||
100 | You are in my [blood][]. | ||
101 | |||
102 | You scared me once \ | ||
103 | remember? Jumped out \ | ||
104 | of the bathroom door. | ||
105 | |||
106 | I fell screaming onto \ | ||
107 | the linoleum. Did you \ | ||
108 | apologize? Did you need to? | ||
109 | |||
110 | ## VIII | ||
111 | |||
112 | The ocean that surrounds me \ | ||
113 | creaks like a rocking \ | ||
114 | cradle. Your face bright | ||
115 | |||
116 | as the moon at eclipse \ | ||
117 | and as [red][]. Low song \ | ||
118 | my tide stretching | ||
119 | |||
120 | to the horizon. Ripples \ | ||
121 | on the surface belie \ | ||
122 | something bigger beneath. | ||
123 | |||
124 | ## IX | ||
125 | |||
126 | In bed I am alone for \ | ||
127 | the only time. In bed \ | ||
128 | I am a grown man. | ||
129 | |||
130 | Below the blankets I \ | ||
131 | know you for who you are. \ | ||
132 | In bed [I see your face][] | ||
133 | |||
134 | pressed against the window. \ | ||
135 | I look out and see you \ | ||
136 | and I am not afraid. | ||
137 | |||
138 | [the rats]: last-bastion.html | ||
139 | [I see my reflection is headless]: deathstrumpet.html | ||
140 | [and the moon grins down]: moon-drowning.html | ||
141 | [rot only for us]: options.html | ||
142 | [closed over me like an eyelid]: theoceanoverflowswithcamels.html | ||
143 | [in an ocean]: the-sea_the-beach.html | ||
144 | [there is an eagle]: mountain.html | ||
145 | [I remember you suddenly.]: ouroboros_memory.html | ||
146 | [rats]: #I | ||
147 | [blood]: plant.html | ||
148 | [red]: window.html | ||
149 | [I see your face]: boy_bus.html | ||