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1 | --- | ||
2 | title: In bed | ||
3 | id: in-bed | ||
4 | genre: verse | ||
5 | |||
6 | project: | ||
7 | title: Autocento of the breakfast table | ||
8 | class: autocento | ||
9 | ... | ||
10 | |||
11 | ## I | ||
12 | |||
13 | I hear [the rats][] run \ | ||
14 | in the walls like water \ | ||
15 | through a tree. My blood | ||
16 | |||
17 | thickens. As I dream \ | ||
18 | the masturbation dream \ | ||
19 | the shelf above my bed | ||
20 | |||
21 | falls covering me in \ | ||
22 | dirt and decaying beetles. \ | ||
23 | [I see my reflection is headless][]. | ||
24 | |||
25 | ## II | ||
26 | |||
27 | When the waves stop \ | ||
28 | [and the moon grins down][] \ | ||
29 | to overtake me: the car | ||
30 | |||
31 | ran up the street that night \ | ||
32 | when you were nearly \ | ||
33 | molested in your neighbor's house: | ||
34 | |||
35 | is this why we don't have \ | ||
36 | neighbors? For this the trees \ | ||
37 | [rot only for us][]? | ||
38 | |||
39 | ## III | ||
40 | |||
41 | I woke screaming and you \ | ||
42 | came to sit next to me. I felt \ | ||
43 | my eyes were open too wide | ||
44 | |||
45 | that I could not shut them \ | ||
46 | from the horror movie sitting \ | ||
47 | on your lap in the easy chair | ||
48 | |||
49 | in the dream the other dream \ | ||
50 | in the living room under \ | ||
51 | the tree. Why do I feel guilty? | ||
52 | |||
53 | |||
54 | ## IV | ||
55 | |||
56 | I wake up in a pool of water \ | ||
57 | [closed over me like an eyelid][]. \ | ||
58 | There is no longer comfort | ||
59 | |||
60 | in staring at the ceiling. \ | ||
61 | Its pitch blackness beckons \ | ||
62 | into a future of blankness. | ||
63 | |||
64 | My body lay still quaking. \ | ||
65 | My mind is chained fast \ | ||
66 | to the beating of my heart. | ||
67 | |||
68 | ## V | ||
69 | |||
70 | I sit up slowly creaking. \ | ||
71 | I find myself alone buried \ | ||
72 | [in an ocean][]. Far off | ||
73 | |||
74 | [there is an eagle][] flying \ | ||
75 | toward me. She lands on \ | ||
76 | my knee and lays an egg. | ||
77 | |||
78 | I think *not this again* \ | ||
79 | something I've never \ | ||
80 | thought in my life. | ||
81 | |||
82 | ## VI | ||
83 | |||
84 | I think *not this again* \ | ||
85 | something I've never \ | ||
86 | thought in my life. Not | ||
87 | |||
88 | after losing my car keys \ | ||
89 | in the easy chair. Not after \ | ||
90 | scratching myself on a branch. | ||
91 | |||
92 | Not after finding the thing \ | ||
93 | in your dresser drawer that \ | ||
94 | night. [I remember you suddenly.][] | ||
95 | |||
96 | |||
97 | ## VII | ||
98 | |||
99 | [You run through me \ | ||
100 | like rats][rats] down an alley. \ | ||
101 | You are in my [blood][]. | ||
102 | |||
103 | You scared me once \ | ||
104 | remember? Jumped out \ | ||
105 | of the bathroom door. | ||
106 | |||
107 | I fell screaming onto \ | ||
108 | the linoleum. Did you \ | ||
109 | apologize? Did you need to? | ||
110 | |||
111 | ## VIII | ||
112 | |||
113 | The ocean that surrounds me \ | ||
114 | creaks like a rocking \ | ||
115 | cradle. Your face bright | ||
116 | |||
117 | as the moon at eclipse \ | ||
118 | and as [red][]. Low song \ | ||
119 | my tide stretching | ||
120 | |||
121 | to the horizon. Ripples \ | ||
122 | on the surface belie \ | ||
123 | something bigger beneath. | ||
124 | |||
125 | ## IX | ||
126 | |||
127 | In bed I am alone for \ | ||
128 | the only time. In bed \ | ||
129 | I am a grown man. | ||
130 | |||
131 | Below the blankets I \ | ||
132 | know you for who you are. \ | ||
133 | In bed I see your face | ||
134 | |||
135 | pressed against the window. \ | ||
136 | I look out and see you \ | ||
137 | and I am not afraid. | ||
138 | |||
139 | [the rats]: last-bastion.html | ||
140 | [I see my reflection is headless]: deathstrumpet.html | ||
141 | [and the moon grins down]: moon-drowning.html | ||
142 | [rot only for us]: options.html | ||
143 | [closed over me like an eyelid]: theoceanoverflowswithcamels.html | ||
144 | [in an ocean]: the-sea_the-beach.html | ||
145 | [there is an eagle]: mountain.html | ||
146 | [I remember you suddenly.]: ouroboros_memory.html | ||
147 | [rats]: #I | ||
148 | [blood]: plant.html | ||
149 | [red]: window.html | ||