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---
title: In bed
genre: verse
project:
title: Autocento of the breakfast table
css: autocento
...
## I
I hear [the rats][] run \
in the walls like water \
through a tree. My blood
thickens. As I dream \
the masturbation dream \
the shelf above my bed
falls covering me in \
dirt and decaying beetles. \
[I see my reflection is headless][].
## II
When the waves stop \
[and the moon grins down][] \
to overtake me: the car
ran up the street that night \
when you were nearly \
molested in your neighbor's house:
is this why we don't have \
neighbors? For this the trees \
[rot only for us][]?
## III
I woke screaming and you \
came to sit next to me. I felt \
my eyes were open too wide
that I could not shut them \
from the horror movie sitting \
on your lap in the easy chair
in the dream the other dream \
in the living room under \
the tree. Why do I feel guilty?
## IV
I wake up in a pool of water \
[closed over me like an eyelid][]. \
There is no longer comfort
in staring at the ceiling. \
Its pitch blackness beckons \
into a future of blankness.
My body lay still quaking. \
My mind is chained fast \
to the beating of my heart.
## V
I sit up slowly creaking. \
I find myself alone buried \
[in an ocean][]. Far off
[there is an eagle][] flying \
toward me. She lands on \
my knee and lays an egg.
I think *not this again* \
something I've never \
thought in my life.
## VI
I think *not this again* \
something I've never \
thought in my life. Not
after losing my car keys \
in the easy chair. Not after \
scratching myself on a branch.
Not after finding the thing \
in your dresser drawer that \
night. [I remember you suddenly.][]
## VII
[You run through me \
like rats][rats] down an alley. \
You are in my [blood][].
You scared me once \
remember? Jumped out \
of the bathroom door.
I fell screaming onto \
the linoleum. Did you \
apologize? Did you need to?
## VIII
The ocean that surrounds me \
creaks like a rocking \
cradle. Your face bright
as the moon at eclipse \
and as [red][]. Low song \
my tide stretching
to the horizon. Ripples \
on the surface belie \
something bigger beneath.
## IX
In bed I am alone for \
the only time. In bed \
I am a grown man.
Below the blankets I \
know you for who you are. \
In bed I see your face
pressed against the window. \
I look out and see you \
and I am not afraid.
[the rats]: last-bastion.html
[I see my reflection is headless]: deathstrumpet.html
[and the moon grins down]: moon-drowning.html
[rot only for us]: options.html
[closed over me like an eyelid]: theoceanoverflowswithcamels.html
[in an ocean]: the-sea_the-beach.html
[there is an eagle]: mountain.html
[I remember you suddenly.]: ouroboros_memory.html
[rats]: #I
[blood]: plant.html
[red]: window.html
|
