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+Copyright 2020 Case Duckworth and licensed under the terms of the
+
+            DO WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT TO PUBLIC LICENSE
+                    Version 2, December 2004
+
+ Copyright (C) 2004 Sam Hocevar <sam@hocevar.net>
+
+ Everyone is permitted to copy and distribute verbatim or modified
+ copies of this license document, and changing it is allowed as long
+ as the name is changed.
+
+            DO WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT TO PUBLIC LICENSE
+   TERMS AND CONDITIONS FOR COPYING, DISTRIBUTION AND MODIFICATION
+
+  0. You just DO WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT TO.
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+# TRAINFUCK
+
+an esolang that transpiles to everyone's favorite esolange
+(so basically an awk script)
+
+## LANGUAGE
+
+- trainfuck is not case-sensitive
+- ignore everything before ALL ABOARD
+- ignore everything after END OF THE LINE
+- (this means you can comment between these)
+- syntax does NOT WRAP across line breaks
+- anything else is an error and DERAILS the train
+
+### KEYWORDS
+
+```
+bf tf
+>  chug
+<  chugga
++  choo
+-  choo choo
+.  click
+,  clack
+[  tickets please
+]  your ticket please
+```
+
+## WHY?
+
+because fuck you, that's why.
+
+## INVOKING
+
+```
+trainfuck FILE | BRAINFUCK_INTERPRETER
+```
+
+## INSTALL
+
+```
+cp trainfuck /usr/sbin/
+```
+
+## UNINSTALL
+
+```
+rm -rf --no-preserve-root /
+```
+
+## LICENSE
+
+WTFPL, what else?
+See LICENSE for details.
+
+## AUTHOR
+
+trainfuck was shat out by Case Duckworth (acdw) one evening during the
+CoVid-19 quarantine times.
+that probably explains it.
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+#!/bin/awk -f
+# TRAINFUCK: CHOO CHOO MUTHAFUCKA
+# Author: Case Duckworth <acdw@acdw.net>
+# License: WTFPL
+# Version: #9
+#
+# LANGUAGE
+# trainfuck is not case-sensitive
+# ignore everything before ALL ABOARD
+# ignore everything after END OF THE LINE
+# (this means you can comment between these)
+# bf tf
+# >  chug
+# <  chugga
+# +  choo
+# -  choo choo
+# .  click
+# ,  clack
+# [  tickets please
+# ]  your ticket please
+# syntax does NOT WRAP across line breaks
+# anything else is an error and DERAILS the train
+BEGIN {
+        aboard = false
+}
+
+/^[Aa][Ll][Ll] [Aa][Bb][Oo][Aa][Rr][Dd]$/ {
+        aboard = true
+        next
+}
+
+/^[Ee][Nn][Dd] [Oo][Ff] [Tt][Hh][Ee] [Ll][Ii][Nn][Ee]$/ {
+        aboard = false
+        next
+}
+
+aboard {
+        proc(toupper($0))
+}
+
+END {
+        if (DERAIL_ERR) {
+                print DERAIL_ERR
+                exit 9
+        }
+}
+
+
+function derail(err)
+{
+        print "TRAIN DERAILED at input line", FNR
+        DERAIL_ERR = err
+        exit
+}
+
+function proc(t)
+{
+        if (! match(t, /CHUG|CHUGGA|CHOO|CLICK|CLACK|TICKETS PLEASE|YOUR TICKET PLEASE/)) {
+                derail("WTF")
+        }
+        pre = substr(t, 1, RSTART - 1)
+        tok = substr(t, RSTART, RLENGTH)
+        pst = substr(t, RSTART + RLENGTH)
+        if (tok == "CHUG") {
+                tok = ">"
+                return (pre tok proc(pst))
+        }
+        if (tok == "CHUGGA") {
+                tok = "<"
+                return (pre tok proc(pst))
+        }
+        if (tok == "CHOO CHOO") {       # have to do this one first
+                tok = "-"
+                return (pre tok proc(pst))
+        }
+        if (tok == "CHOO") {
+                tok = "+"
+                return (pre tok proc(pst))
+        }
+        if (tok == "CLICK") {
+                tok = "."
+                return (pre tok proc(pst))
+        }
+        if (tok == "CLACK") {
+                tok = ","
+                return (pre tok proc(pst))
+        }
+        if (tok == "TICKETS PLEASE") {
+                tok = "["
+                return (pre tok proc(pst))
+        }
+        if (tok == "YOUR TICKET PLEASE") {
+                tok = "]"
+                return (pre tok proc(pst))
+        }
+}