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authorCase Duckworth2015-03-01 17:52:37 -0700
committerCase Duckworth2015-03-01 17:52:37 -0700
commit3ec50c15dbbc8725271d707a33064002ad64a33e (patch)
tree6566d206998c392a53db9ac159dc6f492f0f69f3 /src/i-wanted-to-tell-you-something.txt
parentChange template: linke epigraphs w/o attribs (diff)
downloadautocento-3ec50c15dbbc8725271d707a33064002ad64a33e.tar.gz
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Add poems from the past year
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1---
2title: I wanted to tell you something
3genre: verse
4
5project:
6 title: Autocento of the breakfast table
7 css: autocento
8...
9
10I wanted to tell you something in order to \
11explain the way I feel about the Universe, \
12its workings, etc. But I couldn't yesterday \
13---I'm sorry---I wanted only to ball \
14myself up and cry all day. It was the sixteenth \
15day in a row this happened to me, and to be
16
17more than two weeks waiting to cry is, \
18especially when, the whole time, I wasn't able to, \
19absolutely horrible. It was no sweet sixteen, \
20I'll tell you that much. Unless at yours, the Universe \
21kept telling you to quit having such a ball \
22and that you should have died, like, yesterday.
23
24At first, it feels like you're winning--that yesterday \
25you really were meant to die, but since you still _are_, \
26you beat the system somehow. But the Universe bawls, \
27"No, I meant you should've crawled into \
28a hole and fucking _died_!" And then the Universe \
29punches you right in the gut, something like sixteen
30
31times, and all you can think is, "Some sixteenth \
32birthday! Maybe I will go die in a hole." Yesterday, \
33at times like this, is a luxury the cruel Universe \
34refuses to give you. This is when it's a pain just to _be_, \
35when that Marvell line about "rolling our stuff into one ball" \
36just seems glib, when you don't want one body, let alone two.
37
38Something else that may come as a surprise to \
39you: over the past more-than-a-fortnight, these sixteen \
40days, I've had nothing to eat but crackers and a cheese ball. \
41(That's not entirely true---yesterday \
42I had some candy, peppermints and Jujubes.) \
43Maybe this is why I'm so mad at the Universe---
44
45because all it has ever wanted, this Universe \
46that gave me life, fed me from its breast til I was two, \
47and even before that, made a place in which I could be--- \
48all it's wanted was for me to take the sixteen \
49steps to sobriety, fold the Eight-Fold Path over yesterday \
50and step around it lightly, as I would an exercise ball,
51
52but the problem is, dear Universe, there's no way I could be \
53something as hard as all that, to wake up yesterday \
54morning, stretch over my sixteen selves, bound out like a ball.