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Diffstat (limited to 'river/what-we-are-made-of.river')
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diff --git a/river/what-we-are-made-of.river b/river/what-we-are-made-of.river new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9d4ee56 --- /dev/null +++ b/river/what-we-are-made-of.river | |||
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1 | what | ||
2 | we | ||
3 | are | ||
4 | made | ||
5 | of | ||
6 | there | ||
7 | is | ||
8 | a | ||
9 | cave | ||
10 | just | ||
11 | outside | ||
12 | of | ||
13 | flagstaff | ||
14 | made | ||
15 | from | ||
16 | ancient | ||
17 | lava | ||
18 | flows | ||
19 | we | ||
20 | went | ||
21 | inside | ||
22 | it | ||
23 | to | ||
24 | where | ||
25 | the | ||
26 | darkness | ||
27 | was | ||
28 | a | ||
29 | presence | ||
30 | it | ||
31 | walked | ||
32 | with | ||
33 | us | ||
34 | like | ||
35 | a | ||
36 | christ | ||
37 | our | ||
38 | footsteps | ||
39 | fell | ||
40 | dead | ||
41 | on | ||
42 | its | ||
43 | walls | ||
44 | we | ||
45 | learned | ||
46 | what | ||
47 | space | ||
48 | felt | ||
49 | like | ||
50 | and | ||
51 | drowning | ||
52 | and | ||
53 | being | ||
54 | crushed | ||
55 | and | ||
56 | going | ||
57 | blind | ||
58 | and | ||
59 | deaf | ||
60 | we | ||
61 | made | ||
62 | up | ||
63 | words | ||
64 | to | ||
65 | push | ||
66 | the | ||
67 | feeling | ||
68 | away | ||
69 | to | ||
70 | goad | ||
71 | it | ||
72 | like | ||
73 | mockingbirds | ||
74 | fighting | ||
75 | hawks | ||
76 | we | ||
77 | called | ||
78 | it | ||
79 | creepy | ||
80 | to | ||
81 | its | ||
82 | face | ||
83 | it | ||
84 | stared | ||
85 | back | ||
86 | dispassionate | ||
87 | in | ||
88 | a | ||
89 | bathroom | ||
90 | i | ||
91 | know | ||
92 | there | ||
93 | is | ||
94 | a | ||
95 | low | ||
96 | thrumming | ||
97 | that | ||
98 | comes | ||
99 | from | ||
100 | the | ||
101 | air | ||
102 | ducts | ||
103 | in | ||
104 | the | ||
105 | ceiling | ||
106 | it | ||
107 | comforts | ||
108 | me | ||
109 | in | ||
110 | the | ||
111 | same | ||
112 | way | ||
113 | the | ||
114 | smell | ||
115 | of | ||
116 | toilet-water | ||
117 | calms | ||
118 | my | ||
119 | stomach | ||
120 | it | ||
121 | is | ||
122 | a | ||
123 | sound | ||
124 | so | ||
125 | close | ||
126 | to | ||
127 | quiet | ||
128 | so | ||
129 | close | ||
130 | to | ||
131 | the | ||
132 | porcelain | ||
133 | whiteness | ||
134 | of | ||
135 | the | ||
136 | toilet | ||
137 | it | ||
138 | pushes | ||
139 | all | ||
140 | other | ||
141 | noise | ||
142 | away | ||
143 | it | ||
144 | is | ||
145 | deafening | ||
146 | quiet | ||
147 | in | ||
148 | its | ||
149 | most | ||
150 | real | ||
151 | form | ||
152 | its | ||
153 | most | ||
154 | realizable | ||
155 | form | ||
156 | the | ||
157 | eggs | ||
158 | on | ||
159 | the | ||
160 | floor | ||
161 | broken | ||
162 | not | ||
163 | the | ||
164 | eggs | ||
165 | in | ||
166 | their | ||
167 | journey | ||
168 | to | ||
169 | the | ||
170 | floor | ||
171 | or | ||
172 | from | ||
173 | the | ||
174 | farm | ||
175 | or | ||
176 | from | ||
177 | the | ||
178 | hen | ||
179 | on | ||
180 | the | ||
181 | farm | ||
182 | in | ||
183 | the | ||
184 | cage | ||
185 | glowing | ||
186 | under | ||
187 | fluorescent | ||
188 | lights | ||
189 | its | ||
190 | neighbors | ||
191 | pressed | ||
192 | to | ||
193 | its | ||
194 | body | ||
195 | rotten-smelling | ||
196 | grotesque | ||
197 | not | ||
198 | the | ||
199 | fateful | ||
200 | meeting | ||
201 | with | ||
202 | the | ||
203 | floor | ||
204 | not | ||
205 | the | ||
206 | long | ||
207 | wait | ||
208 | in | ||
209 | darkness | ||
210 | for | ||
211 | the | ||
212 | fluorescent | ||
213 | dawn | ||
214 | cacophonous | ||
215 | with | ||
216 | pain | ||
217 | and | ||
218 | smell | ||
219 | none | ||
220 | of | ||
221 | this | ||
222 | the | ||
223 | sunlight | ||
224 | on | ||
225 | the | ||
226 | kitchen | ||
227 | tile | ||
228 | the | ||
229 | refrigerator | ||
230 | softly | ||
231 | humming | ||
232 | the | ||
233 | eggs | ||
234 | on | ||
235 | the | ||
236 | floor | ||
237 | the | ||
238 | yolks | ||
239 | glistening | ||
240 | i | ||
241 | compose | ||
242 | with | ||
243 | music | ||
244 | best | ||
245 | under | ||
246 | its | ||
247 | meaninglessness | ||
248 | i | ||
249 | am | ||
250 | able | ||
251 | to | ||
252 | hear | ||
253 | the | ||
254 | silence | ||
255 | a | ||
256 | different | ||
257 | meaninglessness | ||
258 | a | ||
259 | somehow-deeper | ||
260 | meaninglessness | ||
261 | the | ||
262 | inverse | ||
263 | of | ||
264 | repeating | ||
265 | a | ||
266 | word | ||
267 | until | ||
268 | it | ||
269 | is | ||
270 | only | ||
271 | sound | ||
272 | i | ||
273 | can | ||
274 | hear | ||
275 | the | ||
276 | taboo | ||
277 | the | ||
278 | never-spoken | ||
279 | unacknowledged | ||
280 | i | ||
281 | write | ||
282 | to | ||
283 | drown | ||
284 | its | ||
285 | sound | ||
286 | with | ||
287 | the | ||
288 | scratching | ||
289 | of | ||
290 | my | ||
291 | pen | ||
292 | silence | ||
293 | lies | ||
294 | underneath | ||
295 | us | ||
296 | all | ||
297 | in | ||
298 | the | ||
299 | same | ||
300 | way | ||
301 | the | ||
302 | nile | ||
303 | has | ||
304 | a | ||
305 | river | ||
306 | underneath | ||
307 | ten | ||
308 | times | ||
309 | as | ||
310 | large | ||
311 | though | ||
312 | this | ||
313 | is | ||
314 | an | ||
315 | urban | ||
316 | legend | ||
317 | apparently | ||
318 | i | ||
319 | threw | ||
320 | a | ||
321 | party | ||
322 | in | ||
323 | my | ||
324 | dream | ||
325 | and | ||
326 | went | ||
327 | to | ||
328 | the | ||
329 | bathroom | ||
330 | down | ||
331 | a | ||
332 | long | ||
333 | dark | ||
334 | hallway | ||
335 | i | ||
336 | began | ||
337 | to | ||
338 | leave | ||
339 | and | ||
340 | noticed | ||
341 | the | ||
342 | bathtub | ||
343 | full | ||
344 | of | ||
345 | stuffed | ||
346 | animals | ||
347 | in | ||
348 | a | ||
349 | heap | ||
350 | i | ||
351 | examined | ||
352 | them | ||
353 | each | ||
354 | in | ||
355 | turn | ||
356 | an | ||
357 | elephant | ||
358 | a | ||
359 | tiger | ||
360 | each | ||
361 | backgrounded | ||
362 | by | ||
363 | white | ||
364 | tile | ||
365 | a | ||
366 | warthog | ||
367 | sat | ||
368 | at | ||
369 | the | ||
370 | top | ||
371 | of | ||
372 | the | ||
373 | heap | ||
374 | it | ||
375 | caught | ||
376 | my | ||
377 | eye | ||
378 | i | ||
379 | stared | ||
380 | it | ||
381 | slowly | ||
382 | winked | ||
383 | sneering | ||
384 | i | ||
385 | reached | ||
386 | out | ||
387 | my | ||
388 | finger | ||
389 | and | ||
390 | poked | ||
391 | it | ||
392 | like | ||
393 | the | ||
394 | pillsbury | ||
395 | doughboy | ||
396 | it | ||
397 | responded | ||
398 | in | ||
399 | kind | ||
400 | chuckling | ||
401 | i | ||
402 | woke | ||
403 | with | ||
404 | a | ||
405 | start | ||
406 | terrified | ||
407 | it | ||
408 | had | ||
409 | made | ||
410 | no | ||
411 | sound | ||
412 | there | ||
413 | are | ||
414 | at | ||
415 | least | ||
416 | two | ||
417 | kinds | ||
418 | of | ||
419 | silence | ||
420 | in | ||
421 | the | ||
422 | same | ||
423 | way | ||
424 | that | ||
425 | there | ||
426 | are | ||
427 | at | ||
428 | least | ||
429 | two | ||
430 | kinds | ||
431 | of | ||
432 | sadness | ||
433 | there | ||
434 | is | ||
435 | the | ||
436 | silence | ||
437 | of | ||
438 | after | ||
439 | the | ||
440 | staring | ||
441 | open-mouthed | ||
442 | silence | ||
443 | the | ||
444 | what-do-we-do-now | ||
445 | silence | ||
446 | there | ||
447 | is | ||
448 | the | ||
449 | silence | ||
450 | of | ||
451 | before | ||
452 | the | ||
453 | still | ||
454 | before | ||
455 | rainfall | ||
456 | the | ||
457 | just-woken-up | ||
458 | there | ||
459 | is | ||
460 | now | ||
461 | i'm | ||
462 | thinking | ||
463 | about | ||
464 | it | ||
465 | the | ||
466 | silence | ||
467 | of | ||
468 | between | ||
469 | the | ||
470 | waiting | ||
471 | room | ||
472 | after | ||
473 | the | ||
474 | heart | ||
475 | attack | ||
476 | after | ||
477 | the | ||
478 | phone | ||
479 | call | ||
480 | after | ||
481 | the | ||
482 | hurried | ||
483 | drive | ||
484 | the | ||
485 | fast | ||
486 | walking | ||
487 | down | ||
488 | hospital | ||
489 | hallways | ||
490 | the | ||
491 | finding | ||
492 | the | ||
493 | room | ||
494 | my | ||
495 | family | ||
496 | their | ||
497 | faces | ||
498 | the | ||
499 | silence | ||
500 | of | ||
501 | after | ||
502 | the | ||
503 | tv | ||
504 | quietly | ||
505 | playing | ||
506 | maurie | ||
507 | the | ||
508 | silence | ||
509 | underneath | ||
510 | that | ||
511 | the | ||
512 | waiting | ||
513 | room | ||
514 | before | ||
515 | the | ||
516 | doctor | ||
517 | comes | ||
518 | in | ||
519 | tells | ||
520 | us | ||
521 | what | ||
522 | happened | ||
523 | the | ||
524 | chances | ||
525 | before | ||
526 | my | ||
527 | parents | ||
528 | drive | ||
529 | down | ||
530 | their | ||
531 | three | ||
532 | long | ||
533 | hours | ||
534 | in | ||
535 | the | ||
536 | car | ||
537 | before | ||
538 | we | ||
539 | become | ||
540 | the | ||
541 | hospital | ||
542 | people | ||
543 | for | ||
544 | five | ||
545 | days | ||
546 | camped-out | ||
547 | loud | ||
548 | cackling | ||
549 | crying | ||
550 | doing | ||
551 | crosswords | ||
552 | watching | ||
553 | her | ||
554 | die | ||
555 | the | ||
556 | silence | ||
557 | of | ||
558 | wondering | ||
559 | whether | ||
560 | we | ||
561 | could've | ||
562 | known | ||
563 | each | ||
564 | other | ||
565 | better | ||
566 | the | ||
567 | silence | ||
568 | of | ||
569 | the | ||
570 | long | ||
571 | trip | ||
572 | we | ||
573 | prefer | ||
574 | to | ||
575 | believe | ||
576 | she's | ||
577 | gone | ||
578 | on | ||
579 | which | ||
580 | is | ||
581 | really | ||
582 | the | ||
583 | silence | ||
584 | of | ||
585 | her | ||
586 | absence | ||
587 | the | ||
588 | eggs | ||
589 | on | ||
590 | the | ||
591 | floor | ||
592 | broken | ||
593 | in | ||
594 | other | ||
595 | dreams | ||
596 | all | ||
597 | i've | ||
598 | watched | ||
599 | all | ||
600 | of | ||
601 | my | ||
602 | family | ||
603 | dying | ||
604 | my | ||
605 | father | ||
606 | i | ||
607 | remember | ||
608 | best | ||
609 | he | ||
610 | was | ||
611 | on | ||
612 | the | ||
613 | wicker | ||
614 | rocking | ||
615 | chair | ||
616 | on | ||
617 | the | ||
618 | porch | ||
619 | staring | ||
620 | at | ||
621 | the | ||
622 | back | ||
623 | yard | ||
624 | the | ||
625 | evergreen | ||
626 | trees | ||
627 | in | ||
628 | a | ||
629 | magic | ||
630 | triangle | ||
631 | their | ||
632 | branches | ||
633 | intertwined | ||
634 | we | ||
635 | were | ||
636 | all | ||
637 | on | ||
638 | the | ||
639 | porch | ||
640 | and | ||
641 | i | ||
642 | heard | ||
643 | like | ||
644 | a | ||
645 | far-away | ||
646 | bell | ||
647 | the | ||
648 | moment | ||
649 | of | ||
650 | his | ||
651 | death | ||
652 | i | ||
653 | woke | ||
654 | up | ||
655 | crying | ||
656 | my | ||
657 | throat | ||
658 | closed | ||
659 | with | ||
660 | grief | ||
661 | leaving | ||
662 | after | ||
663 | the | ||
664 | goodbye | ||
665 | at | ||
666 | the | ||
667 | hotel | ||
668 | realizing | ||
669 | i | ||
670 | won't | ||
671 | be | ||
672 | home | ||
673 | until | ||
674 | christmas | ||
675 | that | ||
676 | i'm | ||
677 | on | ||
678 | my | ||
679 | own | ||
680 | long | ||
681 | trip | ||
682 | someone | ||
683 | on | ||
684 | the | ||
685 | radio | ||
686 | station | ||
687 | i'm | ||
688 | listening | ||
689 | to | ||
690 | in | ||
691 | the | ||
692 | car | ||
693 | screws | ||
694 | up | ||
695 | transferring | ||
696 | tapes | ||
697 | broadcasts | ||
698 | dead | ||
699 | air | ||
700 | the | ||
701 | silence | ||
702 | yawns | ||
703 | like | ||
704 | a | ||
705 | chasm | ||
706 | lasting | ||
707 | for | ||
708 | years | ||
709 | the | ||
710 | wind | ||
711 | picks | ||
712 | me | ||
713 | up | ||
714 | and | ||
715 | carries | ||
716 | me | ||
717 | away | ||
718 | i | ||
719 | see | ||
720 | everything | ||
721 | from | ||
722 | a | ||
723 | great | ||
724 | height | ||
725 | i | ||
726 | see | ||
727 | the | ||
728 | future | ||
729 | i'm | ||
730 | waiting | ||