i-want-to-say.txt


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---
title: I want to say
id: i-want-to-say
genre: verse

project:
    title: Autocento of the breakfast table
    class: autocento
...

| I want to say I take it all back
| I want
| I want to take it back I want it none of it
| to be ever have happened not
| when I saw you step over the rope
| when we went to New York for a week
| but stayed upstate when you punched me
| hard in the solar plexus in Prague
| when I looked in your face and [saw myself][]
| looking back smiling when we went on another trip
| and another all the trips I want to have
| stayed home I want to have seen the clouds
| drifting past [my car window][] to have listened
| to that sound the bridge makes driving over it
| without thinking of you always it was you

| I want

| I [want to be fresh][] I want to roll out of bed
| as though it were my [first morning in a new state][]
| I want nothing more than absolution of sins
| [a negation but there is no way to subtract here][]
| I cannot remove this growth that appeared
| seemingly overnight I cannot [cut you away from myself][]
| I cannot forget what has already and will always have been
| I cannot get out of a [new bed][] ever
| New York will always be as it was when I saw it first
| with you my breathing will always be labored outside
| of the cafe I will always see you when [I look in a mirror][]
| of someone's face the reflection of missed thoughts missed
| [words will cease to give meaning][] the center will come out
| of me I will make a new center yes I will drag what is
| your center around with me and [repeat and repeat][] again
| I cannot want cannot want want not

[new bed]: in-bed.html
[saw myself]: deathstrumpet.html
[my car window]: boy_bus.html
[want to be fresh]: plant.html
[first morning in a new state]: collage-instrument.html
[a negation but there is no way to subtract here]: no-nothing.html
[cut you away from myself]: elegyforanalternateself.html
[I look in a mirror]: lovesong.html
[words will cease to give meaning]: words-meaning.html
[repeat and repeat]: question.html